My Journal

Heads, Shoulders, Knees and Egos

Sat, 25 Feb 2006 09:09:58 GMT

Another quick update before I head out to work. I palmed my morning shift onto someone else, just so I could sleep in. Amazing work if I do say so myself.

I had a very bizarre argument with a friend on the phone last night. We were discussing whose ego was the biggest. Although we came to the conclusion hers was the biggest, due to her being an amazing writer (she makes me so jealous, lol, but she said she's envious of my life, and of me having a social life, which just goes to show, grass seems greener, etc, whatever you're doing) but I suspect I still have the biggest ego. It's a bit of a worry, actually.

Does this happen, when you reach your 21st? Why do other people's opinions mean so much? Almost all of my female friends around this age are worrying about appearing mean/nasty/egotistical/arrogant... I would have thought by now we'd have got over it, matured a little, swung out with the "screw the world" policy. Instead, we all picture ourselves as big egos, with little legs sticking out (little legs with big tree trunk thighs, what oh what is up with my thighs at the moment, I swear they've just ballooned up an inch) running around and annoying the shit out of everyone.

I think it's just insecurity, right? We're supposed to be properly drowned in adult life at 21. I suppose we're all just scared of reaching adulthood, and not being good enough for it. Of not being adequate.

Up til now, I've just been Liz, the girl who left school and did work experience at a bookshop, and then got employed by a bigger bookshop. (When I say bigger, to the point that I got lost in the biographical section yesterday. So humiliating, you cannot believe.) In my head I've been this stupid little teenager who had a taste of a life she didn't want, so retreated into a nice, small world. Only this everyday world is bigger than I thought it would be.

In other news, NTL is pants. I can't believe I'm paying so much just to see Knightmare. I'm not even that involved in the fandom because I'm so lazy and have no time. Stupid addictive show, lol.

shoulda coulda woulda

Thu, 16 Feb 2006 16:27:44 GMT

I knew making my new year's resolution - update your diary more! - was a bad idea, because obviously the mission was doomed as soon as it was beset by such a useless tradition.

My birthday was splendid, not to mention wonderfully punctuated by giving J the heave-ho the day before. Screw the man. All the advice I was given (and even in the silences from begged-for-but-not-given advice) yelled out loud, the git doesn't deserve me! Ah, one day my ego shall be the end of me. I shall then, at that point, say that coins come in heads-and-egos. I got many splended presents, including vomit on my shoes (courtesy of Tessa, and too much caterpillar chocolate cake, I should warrant), an X-box and games, (not a 360, what, do you think my family's posh?) and some other nice CDs and stuff from people attempting to improve my taste in music. (Hello, someone has to own all of Blondies' CDs.) Also was given the Knightmare board game! Ahah, someone LISTENED when I prattled on about the lovely loveliness of Knightmare, and got it for me. Only I feel guilty because when I tried to play it, I got confused, and put all the items in the wrong places, and somehow started OUT with the sword of justice, but who cares? it's Knightmare and is beautiful.

Went out for the night and came back a litttttle bit tipsy. I swear I'm not a huge drinker, which probably makes me too much of a lightweight. I'm going to try and build up my tolerance, lol, make me less of a target to predators.

This scary guy is staring at me while I write this. I am attempting to look serious, but instead I'm cracking up too much at what is on screen. I've been told I have an attractive giggle, so I'm hoping with all of my tiny, impoverished heart that it is not attractive to stalkers. Then again, stalkers find weird things attractive, so perhaps it is the way I strike the "w" key on the keyboard. Wwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. I do it with such strange aplomb.

I miss my other livejournal. (cries) But this one is so less cluttered, so I shall hang on to it, even though I don't post nearly enough!

Work is pretty good, got a nice bonus last month which helped towards paying off my credit card after Christmas single handedly destroyed my credit rating!!! How I'm ever going to get a mortgage/life of my own is beyond me. I should become a prostitute, they're well paid, but I don't think I'm good enough at sex for it.

And no, don't offer me practise! Haha. (I haven't been practising alcohol tolerance, I'm just on a caramel sugar high.)

I'm allowed to design a display next month! I have to order in the books I want. I'm wondering between:

Foreign translations that have done well,
Adaptations (like having Pride and Prejudice, and Bridget Jones', and film adaptations),
Booker/Whitbread prize winners throughout history,
Classics adapted for children,
or,
Biographies of famous people from the eighties.

Any help??????

Booking

Thu, 01 Dec 2005 21:13:05 GMT

December is here! I went to church last Sunday more out of duty than anything, and although most of the rigmarole makes me want to snooze, something about the lighting of the candle made me feel quite Christmassy. I've been making paper chains today for work, which I'm sure isn't quite what I signed up for, but at least it's different to my previous [[Weird Job of the Week]]- dusting the Tardis.

So if you happen across a cardboard tardis in a bookshop, and think perhaps I work there, and it is dusty-- it is not my fault. Carolyn is on sci-fi now I've switched to the kids section for the "Christmas rush". I used to do the kids section, but got so fed up of Bethany continuously organising school trips to the kids section and leaving me to deal with a gaggle of giggling prepubescent trolls that I requested the sci-fi/horror/fantasy section (and spend most of my days re-ordering the Pratchett books as some prats enjoy mixing them up a little and ogling the Koji Suzuki hardbacks) and got it granted. But James (ah, bless) said he couldn't cope with the fallout if Carolyn (she's only been working at the Store for a month) spazzed out in the rush.

What rush, is what I say. It's as existant as the "great freeze" that descended upon our fair country - a.k.a. happening everywhere else but here.

That's enough about work. I was going to buy an advent calendar today, but remembered that cloth thingie Aunt B. gave me last year, so I spent a furtive hour in Woolworths picking out the Roses green triangles from the pick 'n' mix section. Unfortunately I picked out twenty-six, and had to dispose of the extra two in an-um-unfortunate manner. Yes. Most unfortunate for THEM!

I want to go Christmas shopping again, but I'm working tomorrow. I may lock someone in our Tardis and laugh at them merrily to try and regain a little Christmas spirit!

Talk About A Blast From The Past

Sun, 20 Nov 2005 20:31:39 GMT

Was looking for Fun House sites, after being blasted by Pat Sharp's non-stop-eightiesness, and stumbled across a site for Knightmare- a kid's show that used to terrify me no end. And have now just made an entire geek of myself by logging onto the forums and the chat room, and signing a petition to bring it back, and- oh- it's just all a bit overwhelming, really.

Don't get me wrong: I like being terrified by things that go bump in the dark. But I just have the most horrible feeling that I've let loose a can of worms. Knightmare used to freak me out, I'm talking big old nightmares, and now I think I've just given my brain some fuel for use in some new nightmares. Which may be a good thing or a bad thing. I'll let ya know.

Anyway, my brain is in absolute overload, and there's all these people that obviously adore it to death. I thought maybe a few people would fondly remember it, and these guys are mental: to the point of dressing up, doing what looks like filming their own version, posting on exact details of episodes and discussing how the adventures could have gone different ways... I wanted to find a new fandom, and I think I've just stumbled upon, thanks to fond memories of Pat Sharp's mullet, could just be that ephemeral The One...

Bad Liz...

Sun, 20 Nov 2005 18:59:36 GMT

I did spend money. I know that's what happens when you go out to the shops. I bought a Christmas Bagpuss for my friend Dave, he's a real Bagpuss nut. He got to name his little sister and he called her Emily (surprisingly his mum would not let him name her Bagpuss.) It was a lot more than I meant to spend on him, but he's had a tough year, and I guess it's guilt, because I'm absolute rubbish on the phone. I just can't maintain a phone conversation. I did work experience, "back when", in a solicitor's office (my dad's idea, rest his soul, in the hopes of pushing me into an actual career), and I absolutely collapsed every time they made me use the phone. Not actually collapsed, just the insides of my brain all folded up and the me that's inside my brain shrank into a corner and blibbered.

The new Harry Potter film is out in four weeks. I've already booked my days off so I can go see it twice. The guy who's playing Cedric looks quite cute, actually, so I can't wait.

I'm off to join some livejournal communities, try and find those new fandoms I was hoping for. So if you've come to my journal seeing why I've added you, it's probably because you're a member of a community that I thought seemed rather fab. I hope you friend me back. :)

Just Another Day

Sun, 20 Nov 2005 18:53:47 GMT

I've had my first proper day off, with no family responsibilities, for what is probably three months. And the fact is, I don't know what to do with it. Being online at eleven on a Friday morning, updating a journal, well it's just pretty sad actually.

Called my sister last night, and asked her what she thought I should do, but all she kept going on about is Tessa's cold and how worried she is, etc. etc. Well I'm sorry, but kids get colds. And I see it as a good thing. If I ever have kids (unlikely) then I'm going to let them eat mud pies on occasion, because my reckoning is kids need the protection that being exposed to bad things provides them with. I often feel like I'm a superficial Aunty. Not really allowed to see my niece, just allowed to send her stuff because I'm earning now. Well sorry that I didn't see the point of university with all those loans, etc., when I'm getting a pretty good education into the area I want to go into. And even with the bullshit of the shop, and all the hoops you have to jump through, it's still a lot more fun than you'd think.

I guess I just used the whole "what do I do today?" thing as an excuse anyway. It's not as if I can't make up my own mind on things. I just keep hoping she's changed, been more like she was when we were at home. Getting married and sprogged up seems to really change you in a bad way, it seems. I guess right now I'm just going to sit back and wait: in time, I'm sure she'll see she needs me, right? When all the starlight stops blinding her. She's got stars in her eyes, all right, and the points of the stars well up her butt at the moment.

Sorry if I seem so bitter about it. The truth is, I am. How could she lock me out of her life so much? Probably because I'm dirty and will contaminate her child.

But it still stands that I don't know what to do. I've even done my chore for the week a couple of days early. (I share a house with a few friends. I'm dreading the day they get married and leave- the rent's pretty high at the moment as it is.)

I guess I'll go out and shop some, although I should save money, I think a little retail therapy might help right now.

Let's Get This Party Started

Sun, 20 Nov 2005 18:42:01 GMT

Hello, world. You're a world that often speaks of new beginnings. While most people profess this as not possible, I'm going to attempt one, just to see if it is possible. While I'm not abandoning my other online life, I'm using this profile to separate myself from it a little, lift myself away, see what happens in new fandoms with new friends and a new direction. So I hope that I can make new friends, make new obsessions, and see what else lies out there in this big, wide, world network.

I'm not under any illusions that creating a new "front side" will change my metaphorical (or physical) "back side". I'm sure that the same shit stays the same in every fandom, that you get the same cliques and backstabbing and fandom wars everywhere you go. Maybe the world will prove me wrong. Who knows?